Fighting Stage 4 Leiomyosarcoma one day at a time

Hello Everyone,

Thank You for visiting, I initially started this blog to keep family and close friends updated on our journey to Houston Texas, to visit with Dr. Burzynski, a world renowned doctor, who specializes in cancer.

A year and a half ago, MB was diagnosed with stage 4 Uterine Leiomyosarcoma and given no more than a year to live.

MB is only 50, she hasn't seen any of her kids get married or have babies. She still has a thirst for life, three kids and a Husband who absolutely adores her. My sister is 23 and youngest brother only 17. We still need our Mama Bear. If you are, or were, blessed enough to have an MB like mine, who has always loved you unconditionally and supported you, you will know how we feel. Nothing can replace a mother's love. Nothing.

Because MB's cancer is very aggressive, we had no time to waste. The very same day the doctor told us to prepare for hospice, MB and I said, "Fu*k That!", Hospice is a dirty word at our house.We started applying to the Burzynski Clinic as soon as we got home from the doctors appointmet, after 3 days of collecting medical records and sending faxes we were finally accepted.We never took time to think, we just acted. No more than a week and half after we were told to go home and prepare for death, we were on a plane headed to Houston TX in search of life and a second chance. We've left California and our family during Thanksgiving.

Even though the treatment is crazy expensive and we are away from home during the holidays, this is still the best decision we ever made. Sometimes you have to bet big to win big!

We aren't the Kardashians, we are just the Vargas' and we are going through the "realest" hardest battle of our lives...This is our story....If you'd like to start reading from the very beginning click on November, on the lower right hand side of the page and the very first post is the "Adventure Begins"

Saturday, November 26, 2011

What if this doesn't work?

What if this doesn't work? On days like this I'm forced to ask myself that question and it literally tears me apart. MB didn't leave the room today. Her back pain is getting worse and i'm worried the tumor on her spine has started growing again. Last time it grew, she reached a point where she couldn't even walk. They radiated it and it helped but they can't radiate it anymore so Dr. B's cocktail of cancer meds just has to work, its one of our last lines of defense.

I went to the clinic to pick up more meds for Mom today, luckily Eric(cowboy tx boo) decided to join me. When I'm with him I forget all my worries, he makes me laugh, he holds my hand, he holds me close and he makes up goofy songs with me in the car. He is a gift from God, without him to distract me I'd probably have jumped off a roof by now.

After we got Mom some meds, food and patches for her back we went to his place for a while to watch a movie, we just talked and cuddled and he heated up leftovers for me. It was nice to just chill and relax and be alone.

Around 5pm I decided it was time to get back to MB and he dropped me off. Its kinda weird going from a state of pure bliss to pure depression. When I got back MB was good but she was definitely hurting. It kills me to see her like this and know there is nothing I can do. I try to distract her but she is just more quiet. She is just so much in her head and sometimes I think the pain sparks negative thoughts within her. I can't even imagine how she's suffering physically and mentally.

A friend of mine from SJ called to tell me his Dad died of cancer last week. He said his Dad only fought for 3 months, MB has been fighting almost 2 years in January, we are blessed to have her but it forces me to wonder, if she doesn't make it why all the suffering. WHY?!...What would have been the point?..Sometimes God pisses me off. I just have to have faith that he/she knows what she's doing. If not I'm fixin to file a grievance, anyone know where I'd mail that too???

On a bright note, MB said if she felt better tomorrow she wanted to try to get out and eat. Tomorrow will be a better day! I know these medicines will work we just have to be patient and wait for our miracle cause I know it's coming!...It has too!
Eric(Cowboy) and I's first Thanksgiving dinner with YAYO his dog, yes he  named his dog after cocaine lol!

9 comments:

  1. Good Morning M and MB !! I am hoping and praying as I do daily that MB feels better each and every day. Sad but true about the reality of the meds. I spent most of my day yesterday researching the book I mentioned and their relationship. It was even said that of the "thousands" that seek out Stanislaus Burzinky's help that they have been able to help/cure hundreds. I pray that MB is one of those miracles. I think personally that we need to ask our selves how much our loved one is suffering and how much they are willing to suffer to TRY the new meds with no guarantees…..I think it should be their decision. Anything less than that is Selfish on the part of those that LOVE and want them to survive…..I also wondered yesterday if Steve Jobs had visited with Dr B with all of his wealth and still couldn't WIN that battle…..I wonder which cancers and in what stage they have their success with…..I did a lot of thinking yesterday as I always do regarding the big "C" since my mother had it. I also knew a lady in college who fought three long hard battles with her cancer and still it returned with a vengeance. I think that the BEST SHOT for a Cure is Where you are…..I think Traditional Chemo and Radiation are no longer viable when one reaches stage 4 and they are old and outdated and that's the difference between Dr B and the other doctors treatments. He found out about Peptides in the 70's and has been continuing to research for some 40 years…..newer research and targeting gene specific tumors with "what will work on that type of cancer, for that person" I think it's the RIGHT Place to Be. I love and admire her courageousness and wish I had been there for my mother the way you are there for MB!! It's painful on both of you there and on the family that is not……I pray continuously for the meds to give her comfort and less pain while continued healing occurs. How long before we know if the new treatment is working……? I am so very thankful for Erick as well because he was just what the Dr ordered for YOU specifically!! I am not trying to be cruel or mean but just realistic……I wish I had been Strong like you and put everything aside to help my mother "if only" gets me a lot these days! Just know that We are with you in Spirit on the tough days and on the good days as well…..We are All Praying for the Cure of MB………Stay Strong "M" and remember You are most definitely MB "Rock of Gibralter" during this trying time. Lots of Love to you both…..<3
    <3 Teresa <3

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  2. Thank You Teresa, your prayers mean a lot to us. We are realistic with our expectations as well but we refuse to go down without a fight! I feel like this is the right place to be right now, I just pray that when we get home we find a doctor willing to prescribe these meds and keep her on Dr. Bs treatment plan, One battle at a time I guess. Yes Eric is a Godsend, even if I never see him again after I leave texas I will always consider him my soulmate;)

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  3. PS the docs say that in two to 3 months we should see if the PB and cancer cocktail designed for her tumors are working, I read your comment to MB and she cried, thank you for your continuous support!

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  4. I love her and have never met her……I too cry and want to do MORE……I am trying everything in my power to Spread the word, give Hope and Prayers and I talk with God Daily about you two Awesome Individuals…..you are sounding like Erick is on another planet….it's just Texas Girl……pero…..amores de lejos son pendejos or so the saying goes….one of you can move!! Don't count him Out just yet…..SMILE amiga he is Worth it!!

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  5. lmao…..wooohooo His Shirt is OFF…..GIRL……….and NO I didn't know that yayo or whatever you called it was another word for Cocaine….lol this blog is educational…..albeit not sure that is something I wanted/needed to know!! lmao He's too Sexy for his Shirt too sexy for his shirt !!

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  6. yes somehow his shirt came off, I was hoping you couldn't see that lol, don't worry though my pants still managed to stay on, took all the strength I had but I still haven't given in to his sexiness LOL

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  7. roflmao - ummmm kinda hard to miss his sexiness ~~!!~~ and while you are mentioning it you stated that "your pants stayed on" but there are other garments that you were or were not wearing did they too survive in tact? ijs and by the way I may wear Glasses amiga but they are STRONG BIFOCALS !! I see everything and will most likely comment !! I hope MB is feeling better today and from here on out……I will try and post more funny pictures on your wall to get her giggle on :-) Peace Amiga

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  8. Hey Ladies…..it's me again….I have a friend who is looking to donate $$ but I thought there was a link to do so here on the blog but I guess not? Can you tell me please if you have a link or can set one up on the blog for "cash donations" I have some "awesome friends" that would love to GIVE if they can find out how? Please and Thank you……
    -Teresa-

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  9. I'm working on that now, so far people have just been collecting the donations and depositing them in my MBs account.

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