I feel as if Mom has let go of my hand, and I, like a baby, wobble around and take my first steps without her. As I adjust to this new chapter, I realize she was never mine, she was never ours, we didn’t have exclusive rights to her. She was an incredible gift from God sent here to be our guide and teacher in this crazy classroom called life. I think she knew this because when she told us she’d decided to go on Hospice and we couldn’t stop crying she said, “hush hush now, you’ve had a mom long enough” and even though we saw her as our Rock and our home she always knew what her role in our lives would truly be. She was our guide and mentor and she gave us the tools to live without her.
So instead of telling you how great a mother, daughter , wife or sister she was I’ll tell you what she did that made her great in all aspects of her life. She truly lived with honesty and passion. She worked hard and turned anything she touched into gold because she believed in herself. She was adored by those around her because she was confidant and strong. Never bragging about all her accomplishments or trying to tell people how to be, she had enough confidence in who she was that she didn’t have to do that. She let people come to her and when they shared a problem with her she listened patiently and never jeopardized someone’s trust by telling other people what she’d heard or knew, that just wasn’t her style. She had balls of steal. When she was diagnosed with cancer she dealt with it with such strength and in such a proactive way that I was in awe of her. She was such a caring, giving and loving mother that I never really had a choice in whether I’d drop everything to be with her or not. I had to drop everything because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I wasn’t by her side because throughout our lives she was constantly on our side. She was a woman of faith and every obstacle she faced she never faced alone but with God because that’s how strong her faith was. I remember her telling my siblings and I when you are closer to God your heart hurts less. She gave her strongest emotions and most difficult battles to God and taught us to do the same. She loved everyone in her life with passion especially her husband. I have never met another couple as loving and devoted to one another as much as my parents were. They have taught us all what a relationship should be. Of course the had a great chemistry and spark but 32 years of marriage took work and my Mom always worked hard for her relationship. I remember her always planning little get aways for her and my dad and they always made time for date night they even went dancing once a month. She lived her life with the same passion, devotion and compassion she had for her family. She lived her life with style and grace and even in the hours proceeding her death she made the moment magical. The morning she passed away we knew there were angels all around her we knew this because we literally saw them coming. It was like a scene out of a movie, At midnight our chandelier emitted an explosion of light so great it stopped us in our tracks every hour after it would flicker and I remember telling my mom her angels and siblings who had passed away were coming to get her and I truly feel they were. This last night brought so much comfort to all our hearts because it was in those moments that we knew she wasn’t dying but she was preparing to be born in another place a better place and that eventually someday we will join her and all be together again. There will never be another like her, she was one of a kind and even though we don’t have her with us she will always be in our hearts and on our side. I feel lucky to have such a powerful angel advocating for me in heaven.