Fighting Stage 4 Leiomyosarcoma one day at a time

Hello Everyone,

Thank You for visiting, I initially started this blog to keep family and close friends updated on our journey to Houston Texas, to visit with Dr. Burzynski, a world renowned doctor, who specializes in cancer.

A year and a half ago, MB was diagnosed with stage 4 Uterine Leiomyosarcoma and given no more than a year to live.

MB is only 50, she hasn't seen any of her kids get married or have babies. She still has a thirst for life, three kids and a Husband who absolutely adores her. My sister is 23 and youngest brother only 17. We still need our Mama Bear. If you are, or were, blessed enough to have an MB like mine, who has always loved you unconditionally and supported you, you will know how we feel. Nothing can replace a mother's love. Nothing.

Because MB's cancer is very aggressive, we had no time to waste. The very same day the doctor told us to prepare for hospice, MB and I said, "Fu*k That!", Hospice is a dirty word at our house.We started applying to the Burzynski Clinic as soon as we got home from the doctors appointmet, after 3 days of collecting medical records and sending faxes we were finally accepted.We never took time to think, we just acted. No more than a week and half after we were told to go home and prepare for death, we were on a plane headed to Houston TX in search of life and a second chance. We've left California and our family during Thanksgiving.

Even though the treatment is crazy expensive and we are away from home during the holidays, this is still the best decision we ever made. Sometimes you have to bet big to win big!

We aren't the Kardashians, we are just the Vargas' and we are going through the "realest" hardest battle of our lives...This is our story....If you'd like to start reading from the very beginning click on November, on the lower right hand side of the page and the very first post is the "Adventure Begins"

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I'm Numb

Lately, I notice that MB's Cancer affects me less. I find myself comforting others when they try to comfort me. Just the other day, my Grandma was crying and I was completely unaffected, I just patted her back and said, "Yah yah it will be ok, chill, go home, now I have to finish making dinner."

Today, I rubbed lotion on MBs back and saw the toll cancer has taken on her body. She looks like one of those starving kids in Africa. Her arms are skin and bone, her belly is bloated because of the tumors, her skin is thin because of the meds, her hair is gone and her legs are swollen.  When she takes off her shirt I'm shocked but unaffected, I don't cry, I don't feel like crying, I just rub lotion on her back and demand that God start doing something!

Lately MB sits in her chair in silence, I ask her questions and she doesn't respond. She's checked out. Her body is here but her mind is elsewhere and its not good. She's numb too. It's weeks like these that I pray God take her. She prays God take her too. I tell her to hang in there and she says she tries but that its getting harder.

I know we all want her around but it's selfish of us to force her to live like this. At this point all she can do is simple things around the house and thats it. She only goes to doctors appointments and the walk from the car to the office really wears her out.

I pray for a cure with every ounce in my being but if God doesn't have that in mind, than I pray that he relieve her from this pain NOW.
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