Cancer is a Bad ASS Bitch but we are Badder!: Tia Alicia's Birthday

One of MB's wounds, she has two, I get to look at this everyday, if your one of the people that likes to judge my need to get away maybe you can see a portion of what I see and understand, because unlike you I can't waltz in and out of this every couple weeks.

Tia Meli, MB and my favorite aunt Alicia

A couple of days ago, my favorite aunt shared that members in my extended family had judged me for going to TX alone for two weeks. I will never ever regret going away and taking some time for myself. The people that like to judge and make stupid assumptions are just plain ignorant in my eyes. No one, except my immediate family and two aunts will ever know the private hell that we are living in this house. The people that sit outside and judge and make dumb ass comments have never spent more than 24 hours in this house. Do I need to remind them that I've been here since day 1, day and night for over a year and a half watching the slow deterioration of the woman I cherish most on the planet. I hope these people never go through what I've gone through because if they did, I'm sure they wouldn't last a month. Like cowards, they waltz into my house once a week, once a month maybe even once every six months and they feel entitled to an opinion. Of course, no one would ever make these comments to my face. I wish they would say it to my face so I can give them a piece of Ms. Mariela Vargas.

Fortunately, the only people whose opinions I want or even listen to at this moment are living under my roof. My aunts father and siblings are my war buddies. We are on the front lines, we are fighting the good fight. We are rolling with the punches and watching it all unravel.

Today, was my favorite aunts birthday and I tried to make the day as special for her as possible. One of the highlights was when my aunt and I were treating one of MBs bedsores, the sore is located right above her butt and my face was really close to it while I applied the special ointment the way the doctor had told me, as I was doing this MB farted in my face. That made my aunts day! We had a good laugh and then I went out and bought my aunt a card and a birthday cake.

The Chinese believe that when there is a sick or disabled person in the family it is a blessing and that the disabled person's soul has taken one for the team so that the rest of the members of the family can evolve their spirits. Caring for a sick person, especially one you love sooooo much, gives you so many oppurtunities to grow and to evolve. You use pieces of yourself you never knew you had. It's like the pressure and intensity of the situation gives you keys to a secret stash of tools in your soul that you never knew you had. I constantly find myself reciting fifty cents line, "Gods favorites have a hard time". I truly believe that. At thirty years old I have the strength of character that most could only dream of. I'm not dependent on anyone, I'm fearless, I'm not afraid to be myself and say what I feel. I know who I am and what I can do. Most people go through their entire lives searching for what I have and never find it. MB is giving us all a gift. We can choose to rise to the occasion or not.

Today, after an extremely hard day my Dad yelled at me for not ordering a water filter, that really hurt my feelings because I had no time. Usually, I yell back, I stand my ground and Papa Bear and I bring down the house. We are both Sagittarius Monkeys and have a great deal of passion, especially for fighting. Today, I just stood my ground and walked away, I knew that if I blew it up it would only stress out MB. I cried a little, PB went for a walk and an hour later we were cool and in search of our kitten whom her Mom had hid from us because she was tired of us holding it.

I don't think anyone knows what the meaning of life is. I believe we are here to learn the lessons and then we go somewhere eternal with a bag of tools we fashioned here on earth. What I do know, is that when you are at the edge. When you are about to slap the shit out of everyone you know and jump off a bridge because you just can't take it, that's when Ms. Kitty (our cat) hides Rocky (her kitten) and all of a sudden your on a wild goose chase running around the garage with a flashlight demanding Ms. Kitty tell you where Rocky is!....That's the thing about life, you just have to go with it, never knowing what horrific or magnificent place it will take you. The only thing I can tell you is that wherever it takes you that's where you are meant to be in order to learn, grow, evolve not as a human being but as a spiritual one......Namaste;)