Fighting Stage 4 Leiomyosarcoma one day at a time

Hello Everyone,

Thank You for visiting, I initially started this blog to keep family and close friends updated on our journey to Houston Texas, to visit with Dr. Burzynski, a world renowned doctor, who specializes in cancer.

A year and a half ago, MB was diagnosed with stage 4 Uterine Leiomyosarcoma and given no more than a year to live.

MB is only 50, she hasn't seen any of her kids get married or have babies. She still has a thirst for life, three kids and a Husband who absolutely adores her. My sister is 23 and youngest brother only 17. We still need our Mama Bear. If you are, or were, blessed enough to have an MB like mine, who has always loved you unconditionally and supported you, you will know how we feel. Nothing can replace a mother's love. Nothing.

Because MB's cancer is very aggressive, we had no time to waste. The very same day the doctor told us to prepare for hospice, MB and I said, "Fu*k That!", Hospice is a dirty word at our house.We started applying to the Burzynski Clinic as soon as we got home from the doctors appointmet, after 3 days of collecting medical records and sending faxes we were finally accepted.We never took time to think, we just acted. No more than a week and half after we were told to go home and prepare for death, we were on a plane headed to Houston TX in search of life and a second chance. We've left California and our family during Thanksgiving.

Even though the treatment is crazy expensive and we are away from home during the holidays, this is still the best decision we ever made. Sometimes you have to bet big to win big!

We aren't the Kardashians, we are just the Vargas' and we are going through the "realest" hardest battle of our lives...This is our story....If you'd like to start reading from the very beginning click on November, on the lower right hand side of the page and the very first post is the "Adventure Begins"

Thursday, April 19, 2012

3rd Stage of Grief....Anger

Lately I've been wanting to tell everyone off. It pisses me off that people are so damn happy. I quit FB because I couldn't stand all the, "I'm having such a great day posts". Everytime I read a happy post  I want to comment, "Go Fuck Yourself!...No one gives a shit!...I hope you step on pooh on the way home!".  I read online that anger is one of the stages of grief. I'm embracing anger, I take to it  well. I'm a natural at anger, I learned from the best. They don't call my dad Grumpy for no reason. I know I shouldn't be so upset, but I am. I even have a mental list of people who piss me off.

At the top of my list is people who like to claim MB as their own. They are like, "Oh I feel like she's my MB too I love her soo much!". My inner response to that is, "Really Bitch really?! cause I don't see you wiping her ass everynight, or sleeping on the floor next to her, I don't see you cleaning her gross ass wounds and bedsores. I don't see you lifting her out of bed everyday because that's what a REAL daughter does!" I swear next time someone tells me they feel like my Mom is their Mom I'm going to slap them in the motherfucking face. You can't claim to be someones daughter and do none of the nitty gritty. MB has TWO daughter's Me and My sis and I sleep on the floor next to her and clean her wounds and my sis wipes her ass so there.

Other people that piss me off are the people that really want to be there for you and keep asking you what they can do. I hate that. I have all this stress and now I have to figure out a job for your dogooding ass!? NO, the people I like best are the ones that are smart enough to see a need and say "hey Can I do this for you?" I Love the people that call and say, "hey can I bring you guys dinner tonight?!. LOVE THEM! "

I also get really annoyed when people are constantly asking how my Mom is doing. Lets make a deal when MB is suddenly cured or suddenly gets really bad I'll make sure to post it on her FB. Until then stop exhausting me with the same damn questions! Also, if I don't want to talk I don't want to talk so stop calling me! FUCK. You know who's hella cool, it's the people that let you know one time that they are there for you and then leave you the fuck alone. I LOVE those people. I swear people don't understand the meaning of the word SPACE and PRIVACY! My days are so hectic I don't even have time to be on the phone so just text and shut up.

Then there are the people that keep asking me to go out and do stuff. These are the people I find especially clueless. Really, I wanna go out and do random ass shit and plaster a fake ass smile on my face while MB whithers away. Again, my response to that is....I'm sure you all know it by guessed it, lets all say it together cause it feels oh sooo goood...... GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Basically at this stage in the game everyone pisses me off except my sister, brother, dad, Mom and two aunts that live here. I'm sure when I am done being angry everything will be back to normal....wait...spoke too soon, nope, I'll be in the depressed isolated stage....actually that makes sense cause I'm sure after I've told all my friends and family to go fuck themselves I'll have no problem finding some alone time;)

No comments:

Post a Comment