Fighting Stage 4 Leiomyosarcoma one day at a time

Hello Everyone,

Thank You for visiting, I initially started this blog to keep family and close friends updated on our journey to Houston Texas, to visit with Dr. Burzynski, a world renowned doctor, who specializes in cancer.

A year and a half ago, MB was diagnosed with stage 4 Uterine Leiomyosarcoma and given no more than a year to live.

MB is only 50, she hasn't seen any of her kids get married or have babies. She still has a thirst for life, three kids and a Husband who absolutely adores her. My sister is 23 and youngest brother only 17. We still need our Mama Bear. If you are, or were, blessed enough to have an MB like mine, who has always loved you unconditionally and supported you, you will know how we feel. Nothing can replace a mother's love. Nothing.

Because MB's cancer is very aggressive, we had no time to waste. The very same day the doctor told us to prepare for hospice, MB and I said, "Fu*k That!", Hospice is a dirty word at our house.We started applying to the Burzynski Clinic as soon as we got home from the doctors appointmet, after 3 days of collecting medical records and sending faxes we were finally accepted.We never took time to think, we just acted. No more than a week and half after we were told to go home and prepare for death, we were on a plane headed to Houston TX in search of life and a second chance. We've left California and our family during Thanksgiving.

Even though the treatment is crazy expensive and we are away from home during the holidays, this is still the best decision we ever made. Sometimes you have to bet big to win big!

We aren't the Kardashians, we are just the Vargas' and we are going through the "realest" hardest battle of our lives...This is our story....If you'd like to start reading from the very beginning click on November, on the lower right hand side of the page and the very first post is the "Adventure Begins"

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Woe is me....

This post is for EVERYONE, Including me. I've been a really crappy friend lately. Mostly because I think other people's problems are stupid and I'm not afraid to tell them. The other day my BFF Ada called and told me she had to go to the ER for a migraine, I was like, "oh my god why didn't you tell me?!" She very non-chalantly replied, "well, last time I called you when I was having a bad day you asked me 'ARE YOU DYING' when I said no you asked 'Is anyone in your family dying!' again I said no and you were like 'well then you don't have a problem!, stop bitching and get over it!'." Yup sounds like me. Lately, I have very little tolerance for people and their "problems". Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic when people are having REAL issues but the day Ada is referring to, she just called me to say she felt "Blah". Please don't call me and tell me your having a crappy day because you feel"blah" or I will slap you in your FACE! Telling me you feel blah is like telling a soldier who was just brutally wounded in battle and had to have his leg amputated that you have a really annoying splinter. Just consider me an emotional mess right now, Im the soldier and your the splinter, so just think before you complain. Acceptable issues you may discuss with me are, sickness,death and marital issues. I've had a couple friends go to jail lately, again NO SYMPATHY, you made your bed, lie in it and start fixing your own damn problems. I'm sure your next thoughts are, "Wow what a BITCH!" Also, before people start going nutz and sending me crazy messages. I actually have about 10 friends who've been arrested in the last year and I'm not singling anyone out. I'm speaking in general terms.

Let me share a story. A year and a half ago, when I found out MB was really really sick, I hated my job, hated my life and bitched about nonconsequential things. After about a month of seriously complaining about my life, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I was arrested for a DUI. The next year was literally hell. Did I mention I caused an accident which led to my arrest which escalated my charges. For the next 6 months, I was going to court every month trying to get my charges reduced. My lisence was suspended for One WHOLE year with no exception because when I was arrested I refused all chemical testing. They forcefully drew my blood because of the accident.

As I was dealing with court, doctors appointments and MB's cancer, I decided I wasn't going to be negative. Afterall, I knew what negativity had garnered me so far. Everytime I entered court, I was like I'm going to get a Wet Reckless, Im going to get a wet reckless. Everytime I drove MB to a doctors appointment without a lisence, I drove the speed limit and secretly prayed no cop would pull me over.

This last year I've FOUGHT HARD to turn every negative into a positive and it's paid off. I got my lisence back in December with full privileges, I got the Wet Reckless, no dui on my record!, I made new friends, I've learned new things, I've developed a stronger sense of self and have helped and continue to help MB through the most difficult stage of her life. Now, when I start to feel sorry for myself, I quickly think of MB and thank god for all my working parts. Even though my life seems to be on pause, I have faith that the right job, the right Man and the right people will enter my life when they are supposed to. I have faith that God has AMAZING things in store for me. Amazing things, travel, money, love, it's all coming my way and when I get it, I will appreciate it soooooo much more. I often think, "wow, all this slaving away cooking for my parents and siblings has made me a pretty awesome cook, my future hubby will be so lucky, a smart, hot wife who can cook!" Acts as small as opening the fridge make me grateful, I look at all our food and say, "Wow WE are blessed!"

When I see MB in pain, I remind myself that the healing process takes time. I beg and plead for a miracle. I keep it real with Jesus, I say, " Jesus, stop fucking with us now, its time you start curing MB, come on now she is too cool and nice to go through this, you've made your point, we get it, now start helping us, please I BEG you, don't make me organize an Occupy Jesus March cause I WILL". At this point, i'm sure Jesus is just laughing at me going, " Girl you so crazy, relax, patience, this shit takes time, If I wanted her I would have taken her already"

This experience has forced me to think a lot about our journey here on earth. I wonder, why is MB sick and my annoying, old ass Grandma, who's lived a more than full life feels great!?!?!?!(yes, I just talked shit about my own grandmother, trust me, if you knew her you wouldn't blame me). I have come up with a theory, here it goes, bare with me. I think, that we all really live in heaven and our time here on earth is like going away to college.We are sent to earth to learn lessons and these lessons are pre-determined before we arrive. That's why bad shit happens to good people and the really evil annoying people live forever. I think that up in heaven, MB, Myself, PB lil sis and lil bro made a deal. MB was like, I am going to teach you all about LOVE, SACRIFICE, FAITH, COMPASSION and PATIENCE. Maybe, just maybe, MB chose to get cancer as part of her "earth life plan" to teach us all how to be better human beings and help our evolution as spirits. Maybe dying is like graduating, no more tests, no more stress, no more all nighters just an eternity of spring break. At this point half of you think I'm probably crazy but if you believe in the eternity of the spirit you know that there is more than this, there is more than work, than school, than petty shit, than sickness. I believe there is a place that we ALL go to where there is NO CANCER, no pain, no hate, no anger, no annoying coworkers, just LOVE. I believe we are all here on earth to learn the lessons, so don't take yourself to seriously, don't take your problems to seriously, because like my favorite Arab always says, "Nothing lasts forever my friend, nothing."

No comments:

Post a Comment