The Big C

Creme Brulee with a side of tears

                                                   
The only thing cancer patients should ever have to focus on is getting better, thats the only thing. Kaiser called today, they won't approve the chemo treatment MB needs to keep her going. Tomorrow morning we have an "expedited review". It's the lame process Kaiser has to appeal a decision. They will have two of those, waste more time and still say no. They will say there is not enough evidence supporting an FDA approved medication that suppresses angiogenises(angiogenises is the tumors blood supply, this medication cuts off its supply). The medicine is Avastin, google it, it's FDA approved and Kaiser refuses to give it to MB. How do I know Kaiser will continue to reject it? Well, this is the same process that I had to go through when I was fighting for a referral to Stanford for MB to do a clinical trial last year. Maybe when MB is dead they'll approve Avastin.

While Kaiser continues to waste MB's precious time, MB sits at home with a cough that seems to get worse, her mobility is limited due to soreness caused by tumors that continue to grow because no one told them to take a break while a life or death decision was being tossed around slowly by her insurance carrier. In the meantime, I file paperwork, have telephone meetings and run all over town trying to find a solution to MB's problem. Debating with Kaiser on MB's behalf is a full time job. I often wonder what it would be like for MB without me, what do other Cancer patients who want to keep fighting the "system" do when they are weakened from chemo and cancer. I'm getting tired of all this paper pushing bearacracy and I'm HEALTHY, what do the poor sick people do? It enrages me to know other people are going through this right now and they don't have a WMV(wild Mariela Vargas) as their advocate. Do they just die thinking that more could have been done if some paper pusher at Kaiser had seen more than just a number? It's truly sickening!

I wish Irene and all those people who keep denying MB's shot at life would have been here for our New Years Eve dinner. I wish they would have sat at our table. I wish they would have heard MB and PB reminisce about the days when they met. I wish they would have seen my little sister leave the table and cry her eyes out in the bathroom before returning to the table with swollen eyes, trying to pretend everything was ok, before dessert. If they had seen MB and PB embrace in tears as they comforted eachother during the most difficult time of their lives, maybe then, they wouldn't make an already unbearable situation absolutely hellish.  I wish they would see MB through our eyes, as a human being, a Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter and not a deficit in their end of the year profits. I wish.

Rockstars and Villains of 2011

We're still HERE!

ROCKSTARS!

* Greg Burzynski- I must say he has gone above and beyond in the treatment and care of MB. If I email him at 5pm CA time, which is 7pm TX, he calls me within the hour to offer solutions to MB's discomforts. Just yesterday, I emailed him with concerns and he wrote back twice even though he was at home. Earlier in the week, he wasn't happy with MB's Pet Scan so he changed some of her treatment meds and dosages. His actions show that he is actually trying to save MBs life. Doctors at Kaiser just want to give her pain pills. I'll let you decide who is the better doctor.

* The Burzynski Clinic-The staff at the clinic is also amazing. On December 23rd, I called and let them know MBs legs were swollen. Right away they had us get an MRI and Ultrasound, they wanted to make sure she didn't have blood clots or that any of her lymphnodes were obstructed, when MB expressed the same concerns to her doctors at Kaiser two months ago, all they ordered was the ultrasound, no MRI. The day after, on Christmas Eve, the doctor from the clinic called again to see how MB was doing, it was kind of funny because I was in the middle of our party and the doctor kept asking questions and being super thorough and I was like she's fine now I gotta go!...Thats how attentive and thorough the doctors at the Burzynski clinic are. I give the clinic and their doctors 5 stars! great job keep up the good work guys!
*Yazzy Fresh- This woman has been the best publicist to the Vargas family ever, she shared our story everywhere and it was because of her that we met the lawyers.
*Our family and friends- We have had so much emotional and financial support from our family and friends.
*Mrs. Howard and Mrs. Alexander- I highlight our neighbors because they have done and given more to our family than some of our actual family members. Mrs. Howard visits with MB every Friday without fail and I have a sneaking suspicion Mrs. Alexander had something to do with the anonymous check. It always trips me out when your neighbors do and give more than your own family. I've talked with friends about this phenomenon and they have shared that when their family needed help the first to help were the ones you'd never expect. I agree. Mrs. Howard and Mrs. Alexander are not just neighbors their family because they treat us like family!
*Taliboo- even though it didn't workout with him, he kept me sane in TX and for that I will be forever grateful.
*Irene Chavez- I know what your thinking,"OMG, isn't she the VP of Kaiser, how is she a rockstar???".Well, she has been very nice. She prays for MB and at least tries to help. At the end of the day I know her hands are tied by the powers that be. She is another Kaiser casualty. Remember, I don't hate Kaiser employees I hate the organization that ties their hands. Irene was a rockstar because when we asked for an MRI and Ultrasound she moved mountains and made sure MB had both tests done that same day. See I give credit where credit is due.
Donor's- Everyone who has or continues to donate to MB. WOW. Thank You from the bottom of our hearts, you guys make it all possible. Treatment is expensive to say the least and without you MB would have stopped her treatment a long time ago. You are saving a life!
Protester's- These people didn't just talk about it, they were about it, and stood hours in the cold for a good cause!
The Media-If it wasn't for them, MB's story wouldn't have gone national. MB says her favorite piece was the one Robert Handa did at FOX. He made sure to show the struggles with Kaiser and was accurate and thorough in his story telling. MB gives you the Emmy Robert!
Cousin Rosa- Even though sometimes we clash, and she annoys me and I'm sure I annoy her;) (she can be like the older sister I never knew I wanted), she has the biggest heart and is MBs numero uno BFF, she comes to the house regularly and gives MB body talk therapy and brings us cool information and takes us to  new therapies that we never knew existed, her smarty party butt is actualy very useful!. Love You cousin!

VILLAINS!

Kaiser Hospital Santa Teresa- Dealing with them and their politics has been a nightmare to say the very least.We've dealt with Misdiagnoses, incompetent doctors, politics, delays in care and just today they sent us a 10,000 dollar claim, that they are thinking of not paying. I know, they would.

yup, thats about it, everyone else has been really great with us!

Reflections, 2011




A bold dress to end a bold year!

 
As I think back on the past year, part of me can't even believe that it happened. I decree 2011 as the year of the pinches because I was constantly pinching myself. 2010 was a hard year, that was the year we saw MBs disease flourish, it was the first time, in all our lives, that we ever saw her sick. 2011 was better because we'd finally gotten used to the idea and were finding more competant doctors to treat her.

2011 was the year that I found my wings. I always knew I had a big mouth but in 2011 I learned how to use it for good not evil. It was definitely the year of action. Any idea i'd get, I went with, going to Dr. Bs, starting a blog, protesting at Kaiser, all pretty crazy ideas that worked.

My goals for 2012; continuing to watch MB get better, continue to look for a job in my field. Anyone hiring TV reporters??? I have a reel and a resume, email me! Oprah, I know you want a feisty, fearless, reporter on staff. Call me;)

One of my future goals is a million woman march to the White House demanding better healthcare.

So lets see, here's my year in review.
Met boys, dumped them all, maybe yazzy's right, maybe I am to picky...egh
MB went to Dr. Bs and finally started feeling better about her doctors.
Started the Occupy Kaiser movement with Yazzy fresh.
Reconciled with old friends
partied hard with family.
started writing full time.
made new friends.
made national headlines.
learned new things.
went to Vegas twice .
went to a million weddings.
I experienced real life miracles.
saw the best and worst of humanity
LOVED, LAUGHED, CRIED harder than I ever have in my life.....year filled with up's and downs but no regrets.

 "Prayer alone will not make a happy life. A happy life must be built. You must act." ~Dalai Lama

Lets make this a year of ACTIONS people!...lets turn off the TV, get off FB for a while and do something for the greater good of humanity. Lets show the world that our generation is more than just a
bunch of superficial , ignorant, lazy men and women. Lets show the world that we are smart, passionate innovators that will lay the foundation for a better tomorrow!

Happy New Year to all and may it bring everyone of us new blessings!!!!!

Kaiser is on vacation....the problem is MB's cancer isn't.

Irene Chavez was supposed to call us with a resolution to the meeting Wednsday. She called, but there was no resolution, it turns out two other guys were supposed to call with the final decision today. Irene called again today and apologized for the two guys not calling, they are on vacation until Tuesday. Kaiser never fails to impress me with their awesomeness! I very politely told Irene that unfortunately, MB's cancer continues to grow and nature forgot to remind it to take a Christmas vacation. MB's doctor at Kaiser has pretty much stopped treating her with anything besides pain killers until the final word comes down from the big bosses.

Welcome to the beauracracy that is Kaiser. MB has been given the run around for about a week now, part of me wonders if they are stalling just to see if maybe they'll luck out and she'll die and then maybe they don't have to deal with her anymore. The problem with that is that if anything happens to MB they will have to deal with me, and my awesomeness, and my family and my protesters and my big mouth.

Again, I feel bad for Irene, she seems to be wanting to help and is very nice and great about keeping us updated but nothing is being done.

TRADUCCIÓN AL ESPAÑOL:Kaiser está de vacaciones .... No así, el cáncer de MB.
Irene Chávez se suponía que nos llama con una resolución de la reunión del miercoles. Llamó, pero no había una solución, resulta que otros dos chicos tenían que llamar a la decisión final de hoy. Irene volvió a llamar hoy y se disculpó por los dos chicos que no llamarón, están de vacaciones hasta el martes. Kaiser nunca deja de impresionarme con su genialidad! Yo muy amablemente le dijo a Irene que, por desgracia, el cáncer MB sigue creciendo y la naturaleza se olvidó de recordar a tomar unas vacaciones de Navidad. MB médico de Kaiser prácticamente ha dejado de tratarla casi con nada, además de analgésicos hasta la última palabra de los grandes jefes.

Bienvenido a la beauracracy que Kaiser. MB se le ha dado una vuelta alrededor de alrededor de una semana, una parte de mí se pregunta si se están frenando para ver si tal vez van a suerte y se va a morir y entonces tal vez no tienen que lidiar con ella. El problema con esto es que si algo le pasa a MB que tendrán que tratar conmigo, y mi pavor, y mi familia y mi manifestantes y la boca grande.

Una vez más, me siento mal por Irene, que parece ser que quieren ayudar y es muy bonito y bueno de mantenernos actualizados, pero nada se está haciendo.

Who is MB.....???

MB, her mom is on the left, her sisters to the right and below her

MB is the strongest most amazing woman I know,she's not the nicest, that title goes to Mrs.. Howard but MB is still pretty damn amazing.

MB was born in Mexico, as a kid she loved playing and fighting. Believe it or not MB was scrappy. Anytime one of her sisters would have an encounter with a playground bully MB would run home, grease her tight curls and run back ready to fight. At this point, her older sister would faint and her younger sister would cheer her on. Even as a kid, MB was the one everyone would depend on. When she was 14 she moved to the United States, worked full time and paid her rent with her other sister and older brother. She was the first to learn to drive and taught everyone else. She is the middle child of 19, 12 of which are still alive today. Her small house in Mexico was so crowded she used to do her homework in a tree. Yes MB was a tomboy.

MB and PB met in Mexico dated long distance, lost touch for 3 years and one day as if by magic they reconnected at a bus stop of all places. Three months later at the tender age of 19 MB married PB. Apparently, I was conceived on the train ride from Mexico to the US. That's probably why I like to travel so much;) Anywho, when I was a baby MB would wake up at 4am go to work and then school, come home to PB, make dinner and take care of me.  I have no idea how she did it. She sacrificed a lot so that my siblings and I could have a better future.All her sacrifice paid off, I have a BA from UCLA and my sister from Cal State Hayward. My younger brother is only 18, too soon to tell what he will do.

MB has been the best Mother. When I was a kid, she would tell me I was pretty but that there would always be someone prettier than me, she'd tell me I was smart but that there would always be someone smarter than me.Basically, she always kept it real. I always laugh when I hear Mom's tell their kids that their the best ever, I always think, "damn that kids headed for a harsh reality check when he finds out he's not the best ever!". MB was always good at telling me I could accomplish anything if I stayed positive and worked hard. She is always the first to tell me when I'm not working hard enough or when I'm being lazy. Most importantly MB has always Loved me unconditionally and had my back no matter what. I'll never forget the countless times she flew to LA to help me out or make me feel better. People say I'm spoiled and my response to that has always been, "Don't be jealous that my Mom is the bomb!". I remember, not too long ago, I did an interactive play. In the play, I was a slutty 16 year old(I know what a stretch lol).As part of the play, audience members had to volunteer to become part of the play to correct my actions. I remember my shy Mother was the only one to volunteer to correct my characters actions. It was too funny, even as a fictional character MB wanted to make sure I did the right thing. I tear up just remembering how nervous she was on stage "acting" alongside me. That's my Mom. She's always had our backs, always.

MB is classy and reserved in public but when we're alone she cusses like a sailor. This past week she told my little sister to "fu*k me up, because I was being annoying". She tells me to shut the hell up when I call her Kim Jong. My sister and I mess with her and call her a dictator because she's bossy. MB fights back, which we like, it keeps her on her toes.

My close friends know that I can tell MB anything. I told her when I lost my virginity. I tell her about the guys I date and which ones suck in bed. MB knows it all. We have no secrets between us. Tonight, I was playing music for her and I kept picking songs she loved. We are so close we communicate telepathicaly. She always knows when I'm lying but she's so cool that she plays along until i'm ready to confess, which I always do.

As a wife MB has been exemplarary. PB isn't perfect. The world sees a handsome, charming Man but MB saw an emotionally disturbed, grumpy somewhat neurotic soul. She loved him so much she helped him seek counseling for his childhood issues and loved him through his pain. She has been his rock and I said it before and I'll say it again, she's the one who keeps him sane. When MB and PB had issues which all couples do, they sought out counseling and became stronger as a couple. The key to their succesful marriage is that they Love eachother and MB has been patient. As far as I know there's never been any infidelity. They are the best married couple I know.

MB is a great friend and neighbor, she's always been fair and kind. Never gossipy or annoying. Through this entire ordeal she has been blessed because she is a good person, plain and simple. If she hadn't been such a good woman throughout her life she wouldn't be getting all this Love now. Just recently, MB got her real estate lisence. She was never fully able to be an agent because 6 months after she got her lisence she got sick. Life is funny, we always think we'll have more time until we don't.

So, who is MB? She is the strongest, smartest most awesomest friend, mother, wife, sister, daughter, sister in law anyone could ask for. MB is the classiest lady I know. True Story.

MB's fave songs:
BeeGees Saturday Night Fever
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FECFb1_YdII

Frank Sinatra My Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU

John Lennon Imagine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIFY9h8DImg

Los Bukis Quiereme
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUQZILrshZw

A Christmas Present from me to you.....

A pie I made someone buy from scratch;)

MB's disease has taught me many things but the most important thing I've learned is to not waste time. Every second of the day is a gift. Use it wisely, Love harder, give more, nuture your relationships and laugh. Our time on this earth is limited and we all have to make the most of it.

When I was younger, I spent my time and energy worrying over the stupidest things. I'd constantly beat myself up over not being skinny enough, not having a boyfriend, not having a cool job. One year I actually didn't leave the house because I was so ashamed of my non-acomplishments. What a waste.

Now, when faced with real issues, I, without knowing it, made a choice. Since MB got sick I've chosen to stay positive and look at the bright side. I never even cry anymore because crying to me is like admitting defeat. Why cry? why sit home depressed? why waste another second of my life on negativity. I choose LIFE. I choose to wear the tight red dress even though I may be a little to thick for it. Who cares, I feel good in it so like MB says, "Fuck It!". I choose to stick with the stuff that feeds my soul.

So from me to you, don't give up on yourself. Remember, we all have a gift, all we have to do is find it and nurture it. Before all of this went down I remember praying, asking God to help me find my talent so I could start using it and here I am writing, protesting. Who Knew I had it in me?

Have no fear, fear is the devil. Before I started protesting PB came up with all these crazy doomsday scenarios that could come from my protest. I ignored him and did what I felt was right and that led to a 10,000 dollar check, news coverage and hopefully soon justice for MB. Never let fear hold you back.

This experience has nurtured my writing. I've found talents I never knew I had. I've strengthened relationships with people I've known for years. I'm even considering politics. Maybe i'll be the first female president. Hey, don't put it past me, the sky's the limit and I've just discovered how to use my wings;)

Moral of the story, am I skinny? NO. Do I have a Boyfriend? NO. Am I happier than I've evr been in my life, do I live everyday in Joy? YES! HELL YES!

I encourage each and every one of you to follow your heart, don't be afraid and Love eachother as much as you possibly can! Remember at the end of the day no one will remember if you had the biggest house or the most stuff. People will remember that you showed up when they were down. They will remember your generosity and kindness, thats it!

So, If your an asshole STOP! If your a materialistic bitch put the Gucci down! If more people focused on helping others rather than spend hours at the mall shopping for themselves to make themselves feel good, this world would be a better place!


Traduccion al español:
La enfermedad de MB me ha enseñado muchas cosas, pero lo más importante que he aprendido es a no perder el tiempo. Cada segundo del día es un regalo. Úsalo con sabiduría, amar intensamente, dar más, nutrir sus relaciones y reir. Nuestro tiempo en esta tierra es limitada y todos tenemos que sacar el máximo provecho de ella.

Cuando era más joven, pasaba mi tiempo y energía preocupándose por las cosas más estúpidas. Yo siempre me había golpeado por no ser lo suficientemente delgada, no tener un novio, no tener un trabajo genial. Un año no sali de casa porque yo estaba tan avergonzado de mi. Qué desperdicio.

Ahora, cuando se enfrentan a problemas reales, que, sin saberlo, tomó una decisión. Desde MB se enfermó he optado por mantener una actitud positiva y mirar el lado positivo. Yo nunca lloro más porque el llanto para mí es como admitir la derrota. ¿Por qué llorar? ¿por qué quedarse en casa deprimido? ¿por qué perder ni un segundo de mi vida en la negatividad. Yo escojo la vida. Yo elijo usar el vestido rojo ajustado a pesar de que puede ser un poco gorda para él. A quién le importa, me siento bien en ella así que como dice MB Fuck It! Yo elijo seguir con las cosas que alimenta mi alma.

Así que de mí para ti, no te des a ti mismo. Recuerde que todos tenemos un don, todo lo que tenemos que hacer es encontrarlo y alimentarlo. Antes de todo esto cayó Recuerdo haber orado pidiendo a Dios que me ayudara a encontrar el talento para poder comenzar a usarlo y aquí estoy escribiendo, protestando. Que sabía que yo tenía en mí?

No tengas miedo, el miedo es el diablo. Antes de empezar a protestar PB vino para arriba con todos esos escenarios apocalípticos loco que pudieran derivarse de mi protesta. No le hice caso e hice lo que sentía que estaba bien y que dio lugar a una donacion de 10.000 dólares, la cobertura de noticias y esperamos la justicia lo mas antes posible de MB. Nunca dejes que el miedo te detenga.

Esta experiencia ha nutrido mi escritura. He descubierto talentos que nunca supe que había. He fortalecido las relaciones con la gente que he conocido por años. Incluso estoy considerando la política. Tal vez voy a ser la primera mujer presidente. Hey, no lo pongas por delante de mí, el cielo es el límite y he descubierto cómo usar mis alas;)

Moraleja de la historia, yo soy flaco? NO. ¿Tengo un novio? NO. Estoy más feliz que he sido por siempre en mi vida, puedo vivir cada día en la alegría? ¡SÍ! HELL YES!

Animo a todos y cada uno de ustedes para seguir a su corazón, no tengas miedo y amor entre si tanto como te sea posible! Recuerde que al final del día nadie va a recordar si tenía la casa más grande o más cosas. La gente recordará que apareció cuando estaban abajo. Se recordará su generosidad y bondad, eso es todo!

Por lo tanto, Si más gente se centrara en ayudar a los demás, en lugar de pasar horas en el centro comercial por sí mismos para sentirse bien, este mundo sería un lugar mejor!

All I want for Christmas is YOU!

We were eachothers Christmas Presents!...When you have your family you have it all!~

                                                                      
Christmas Eve was Amazing, family and friends came to the house with a TON of food and Love. I could not have asked for a more joy filled day. In usual Diva fashion, I over did it with the outfit, my cousin's said it was too much but that only I could pull it off. I wowed the crowd with my Boobs, I mean red dress lol.

MB felt good and sat with the family for a long time. Everyone was on their best behavior and a ton of pictures were taken. My cousin brought over his new girlfriend and I was very happy that he found someone to love.

I could tell that some people were thinking that maybe it was the LAST Christmas Eve with MB. I tell those people to have more faith and recognize that MB is a fighter and that she has many more Christmases ahead of her. MB is the original Diva and that lady has more fight in her than ALI on steroids.

Traduccion al español:
La víspera de Navidad de la familia fue increíble, y los amigos llegaron a la casa con un montón de comida y el amor. No podría haber pedido un día lleno de alegría más. Como es habitual soy la diva de la moda, mi primo dijo que era demasiado, pero que sólo yo podía llevarlo a cabo. Me asombró a la multitud con mis tetas, me refiero a jajajaja al vestido rojo.

MB se sentía bien y se sentó con la familia durante mucho tiempo. Todo el mundo estaba en su mejor comportamiento y un montón de fotos fueron tomadas. Mi primo trajo a su nueva novia y yo estaba muy contento de que se encontró con alguien a quien amar.

Me di cuenta de que algunas personas pensaban que tal vez fue la última Nochebuena con MB. Le digo a las personas que hay que tener más fe y reconocer que MB es un luchador y que tiene muchas navidades más delante de ella. MB es la Diva original y esa señora tiene más lucha en la que el ALI en los esteroides.